A VISUAL STORY TELLING PROJECT BY MARIANA MONASI FROM PACHAMAMA CREATIVE CELEBRATING MOTHERHOOD IN ALL ITS FORMS. A PROJECT OF THE HAWAIʻI LGBT LEGACY FOUNDATION, PRESENTED BY CENTRAL PACIFIC BANK.
“Psychologically, for me, there have been some issues, because biologically [Alice] is mine, because before I started all the hormone treatments we did a retrieval. [Yet] when we introduce ourselves as her mothers, Iʻm like, what does that make me? I didnʻt really have any model for motherhood; so I donʻt know what Iʻm doing differently. Iʻm just trying to be like my mom.” — Toni
“I think our relationship has actually gotten a lot better. We started talking a lot more.” — Toni
“I always tell people that itʻs like Toni broke a cage that I was in–that I had put myself in–with societal norms for husbands and wives, and what I had been modeled as a child. So when Toni came out, it kind of caused an identity crisis within me, in that I kind of had to figure who I was. ” — Morgen
Toni and Morgen were high school sweet hearts who ended up at the same college, were married after they graduated and moved to Hawaiʻi in 2010. Toni began questioning her sexual and gender identities in 2018 and started transitioning in 2020. Toni identifies as a transwoman, Morgen as asexual, and both use she/her pronouns. Their daughter Alice was born in 2021. The family sat down with Mariana to discuss motherhood, gender roles, their Hawaiʻi Queer Parents group, and how open communication has helped them navigate in uncharted waters as parents, partners and friends.
“A lot of the people that I know that are trans, they got divorced, and the kids are staying with their biological mother.” – Toni
“We didnʻt have any of these terms. We didnʻt know these things existed. So the book that I read ʻA Quick And Easy Guide To Asexualityʻ…that helped. And I had a lot of issues with ʻwomanhoodʻ, being considered a woman, right? Iʻm not like a ʻgirly-girlʻ…and so when Toni came out, Toni became a ʻgirly-girlʻ and so Iʻm like, ʻWho am I?ʻ.” — Morgen
“The person I was really afraid of was my dad in Mexico. Heʻs Catholic…it took a long time to explain, but he was very accepting, and he was like ʻI love you no matter what… ” — Toni
“It was hilarious though because Toni is using Google Translate, because Marco doesnʻt know the words, right? Like the English words, so Toniʻs doing Google Translate. It was really funny listening to it!” — Morgen
“When I first told my mom about Toni, she asked if I was getting divorced, which is a common response. And I said, ʻYeah, I donʻt know yet.ʻ And she said, ʻOK, well, weʻll support you.ʻ Itʻs just the pronouns are hard for them, but theyʻre not intentionally misgendering; they donʻt say anything bad…” — Morgen